Hot Girl in the City

Too Much Stress!

2007-02-21T02:24:46Z

Why does the auto save draft feature thingy have to exist? Apparently this is what I was in the middle of writing the last time I attempted an entry:

"I am such a loser! Or at least, I feel like one right now. I never thought I could be so intimidated by someone when I was in my cutest sweater. I realize that the problem may stem from the fact that over the yrs. I've tried to "tone myself down" so to speak..."

That would have been sometime in mid Jan. I think. So many cruel, awful, and lovely things have happened since then. But, right now, I can only think of work....so much work!!!!! I had my fortune read by two different people recently (as a result of TU After Hours - so it's semi-okay) and that's all they saw in my present & future. Wtf man?! I mean, I know it is my last semester at school but still!

I'd like to think that I don't regret anything in life and that I am always in control of my own destiny but recently it seems like I might be wrong about that. Another thing I'm pondering is why everyone thinks that they can entrust me with so many responsibilities? I can't even keep track of my own personal life, which has been a bit of a roller coaster lately.

The next two days are going to be such a nightmare. Well, actually, Saturday might not be very good either. Ugh! Four more days until I can find out what I already know - which is that the past is past and some things really do need to stay there. I'm starting to see how we, as human beings, have so much power to harm ourselves wanting things that aren't right for us. Whether its in relationships, the work place, friendships, etc. My mom sent me an e-mail not too long ago (yes, she is finally in the information age) the following passage, which is really here for my memory: "Algunas veces las situaciones o cosas que pensamos que es lo mejor para nosotros no resulta con un final feliz, pues la verdad Melanie es que no siempre lo que queremos y deseamos en la vida es lo mejor para nosotros y recuerda que Dios y la Virgen y sus angeles siempre estan velando por ti y tu vida y el te esta evitando una pena mayor, el tiempo apropiado para ti llegara no te desesperes siempre el regalo mas precioso tarda un poquito en llegar pero esta alli a la vuelta, todo mi amor tu mama BUEN DIA SONRIE LLENA TU MENTE Y CORAZON DE SENTIMIENTOS POSITIVOS Y PROYECTATE HACIA EL EXITO!" It basically states that not everything that we want in life is the best thing for us and that the most precious gifts always take a little longer to receive and that they do come.

That being the case, I need to calm down, focus on school/work & think positive thoughts for Saturday when I meet my emotional equivalent to the crash of '29.

The Girl Who Will Not Graduate

2006-12-14T16:59:42Z

It was bad enough that I might fail a bs Spanish literature class but now comp. science? WTF?? After spending about eight hours yesterday finishing a website I learned that I couldn't turn it in. Some problem with the library computer and I couldn't log in to FrontPage so I wasn't able to post the thing on blackboard. What is a girl to do? I e-mailed my prof. but he basically said that I have to figure it out. Great. Now its back to the library to see how much of my work I can salvage and turn in. Anyone wanna switch places?

I can't fail two classes and then barely pass two others. And the thing that I hate the most is that this happens to me after I've been working my butt off.

But, on the bright side, I have a new & pretty icon!

Cannot wait for some good news.

You Make Me Wanna...

2006-02-20T19:11:33Z

Hm, what to make of the past few weeks?

Lately, I've realized just how much emotional baggage I tend to carry around with me. It has only proved to work against me...

My classes aren't really what I expected them to be and I'm soo behind in my assignments.

I'm currently being faced with a lot of challenges - too many I think to deal with at once.

And then there's the elephant in the room that I keep trying to avoid...the source of all my pain and agony, as of late. I can't help but be so vague about all of this because as much as I want to get it out, there are still many things that I haven't been able to admit to yet.

Oh boy, must stay positive, must stay positive, must stay positive.

What the Fuck?

2006-02-03T23:16:59Z

I'm in a total daze - Shit keeps happening to prevent me from moving forward.

The absolute most trivial problems keep cropping up around me an I can't figure out why.

What the Fuck!?

High Anxiety!

2006-01-22T10:37:24Z

I got back to Towson Saturday afternoon - just in time for my retreat Sunday. It's super early in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep due to my anxiety. I'm currently facing the daunting task of having to be cheery, happy, and a serious go-getter for the next 6 days. What could be better? Sooo sleepy.

Apparently the leadership retreat is out in rural Delaware (Wtf?). It makes no sense. As much as I still don't feel like going I know it's for my own good. Cause it's obvious that I can't do anything on my own on this campus that relates, in any way, shape, or form to student activism. I hate that this has to happen the week before school starts but, it is what it is. Hopefully this will distract me long enough so that I can avoid other topics I'm trying not to obsess about.

I can only imagine what I'm gonna look like lugging my bags up a damn hill and straight to the campus (30 min. walk to the loading docks). It doesn't make sense to me to call up friends that live as close as 15-20 min away just to drive me up the street...since there's no one on campus yet. Oh well, que sera, sera.

How will I possibly stand to be in near total seclusion for 6 whole days??!! And there's only a slight chance that I'll be able to use my phone at night - only after 11PM and in a room full of nine other girls. So, talk about privacy. I dunno, it's no big thing but this retreat is sorta coming at a bad time.

Just as soon as I start to freak out about this I try an calm myself down, but it's no real use.

Beautiful Words

2006-01-19T05:51:48Z

Im nin'alu
Dal thae na di vim
Dal thae na di vim
Dal thae ma rom
Im nin'alu

Staring up into the heavens
In this hell that binds your hands
Will you sacrifice your comfort
Make your way in a foreign land

Wrestle with your darkness
Angels call your name
Can you hear what they are saying
Will you ever be the same

Mmmmmm
Im nin'alu, Im nin'alu
Mmmmmm
Im nin'alu, Im nin'alu

Remember, remember, never forget
All of your life has all been a test
You will find the gate that's open
Even though your spirit's broken

Open up my heart
And cause my lips to speak
Bring the heaven and the stars
Down to Earth for me

Im nin'alu
Dal thae na di vim

El hai
El hai maromam 'al karuvim
Kolam baruchu ya'alu

Wrestle with your darkness
Angels call your name
Can you hear what they are saying
Will you ever be the same

El hai
El hai maromam 'al karuvim

The generous truly know
What will be given
Even if it does stop, you know
The gates of heaven are always open
And there's this God in the sky and the angels
How they sit, you know, in front of the light
And that's what it's about*

A few pleasant things worth mentioning...

2006-01-17T07:40:22Z

1. Brokeback Mountain won two of the most important awards tonight: Best Director and Best Dramatic Film. It was very amusing to see one Mr. Clint (extremely conservative and uncomfortable looking) Eastwood hand the award to Ang Lee.

2. LOST won too!!! Hurray!

3. Chile elected its first female head of state on Sunday.

4. In the same vain, Liberia also has its first female President. *beams*

5. Oprah's new book club novel is Elie Wiesel's "Night" (One of my favorite books from high school).

6. German chancellor, Angela Merkel, openly defied President Bush in a recent news conference in which she stated, "An institution like Guantanamo can and should not exist in the longer term. Different ways and means must be found for dealing with these prisoners."

7. A close friend of mine just got accepted to go to Palestine this summer!!! Soooo excited for her! Unfortunately, she still has a lot of money to raise and she will need sponsors, but I have faith that it will work out.

8. My leadership retreat is only six days away. Although, I am becoming increasingly worried that I won't be able open myself up enough to get the most out of the experience. :(

9. Obsessed with the new Madonna album. Similar occurrence as with Love. Angel. Music. Baby. :)

10. On that note, I also returned to my love of Starsailor.

Honorary Mention: In final Golden Globe news, "Paradise Now" won in the best foreign film category (which pleases me immensely). It's been described as “Munich’s” counterpart and it's a very brave film, as opposed to merely being considered controversial. I can imagine a lot of American's squirming in their seats when director Hany Abu-Assad said that he saw the Golden Globe as recognition that the Palestinians deserve their liberty and equality unconditionally". Dunno, that just caught my eye.

Seeing Ghosts

2006-01-13T04:34:31Z

Okay, so I finally decided that tomorrow is the day that I see Dan. I've been delaying it for almost a week, for a completely reasonable excuse (due to my illness)...and yet, I have a feeling that he thought I was just wasting his time. You know, lying and postponing for the fun of it. Grrr. He sounded weird when I talked to him today and after being available all week, suddenly he's busy. All signs point to an idiot me. Too much stressing over this. Hopefully I'll be better once I get this over with. All the "delays" have made me question whether or not I actually want to see him again. Friends say, "Oh, it'll be fine! Don't worry about it!". But they're not the ones who are faced with the agony of possible rejection.

This is utterly tragic.

Why would anyone put themselves in this position??!! Why?! I mean I feel fine now but due to recent developments, I've been under some added stress, and now I look like I just stormed the beaches of Normandy.

Note to self for Friday's meeting:

Speak clearly, don't stammer, don't let mind go blank, be energetic, and remember talking points. Oh, and be nice.

Great, I am now faced with the prospect of blissful pain. Hope he enjoys it as much as I do.

Major Dilemma

2006-01-04T18:44:16Z

What do you do when an old friend wants to get together after 4 years?

Well, the answer is quite simply: you meet up.

But, I can't help having my doubts. A million "what ifs" are swirling through my mind and I can't stop worrying.

A mere sample:
What if he doesn't like me?
What if it's awkward?
What if I sound strange?
What if he thinks I've changed for the worst?
What if I say something stupid?
What if I'm not interesting enough?
What if I'm not what he expected?
What if...what if...what if...?

And the worst part about it? I have to call him. See, that right there should make me wanna back out. What do I say? It's been 3 years since I've even heard his voice! Aw, man...this is too weird for me.

My heart is pounding at the *thought* of having to see him again.

Honestly, Daniel Day-Lewis had it all right when he decided not to see Michelle Pfeiffer again, after all those years, and just preserve the memory he had of her. And now I have to pretend that I've had an amazing life filled with accomplishments, which can only add up to a brighter future. If only I didn't have that panic that I get when seeing people from high school after all this time. Ana has a great boyfriend; a committed relationship, Esti went to Europe!, Katie lost all that weight, Pati...well, she has everything going for her, Tracy has a baby on the way, and Jo has a solid foundation of support, good grades, the works! And what have I got to show for my last 2 years of high school and almost 3 years of college?!

What to do, what to do? I should just call. But...I don't want to call too soon although, I can't wait forever.

I'm rather stuck at the moment.

Boredom: Leading Cause of Death

2005-12-30T22:57:04Z

Your 2005 Song Is

Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

"But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on"

In 2005, you moved on.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

You Belong in London

A little old fashioned, and a little modern.
A little traditional, and a little bit punk rock.
A unique woman like you needs a city that offers everything.
No wonder you and London will get along so well.

What City Do You Belong In?

Your 80s Heartthrob Is

Michael J. Fox

Who's Your 80's Heartthrob?

You Are a Tomboy

You're having too much fun to bother with nail polish and crazy diets.
Guys are instead impressed by how much you know and do!

How Girlie Are You?

A Michael J. Fox loving tomboy who might do well in London, and listens to Kelly Clarkson...Alrighty! Three outta four ain't bad.

In the Trenches

2005-12-25T02:56:32Z

I am now preparing myself for battle. Currently loading up on presents and ammunition. Guh. Sometimes I really hate the holidays. I'm leaving for my uncle's house in a few minutes to celebrate Christmas and already its off to a semi bad start. I didn't have the patience to find a decent "Christmas outfit" so I am now stuck with some preppy ass get up. Ah well. I so wish someone could whisk me away right now - hm, I think I just found out what I wanted for Christmas. All this holiday stuff is just so frivolous. I'm up to my ears in gift wrapping and "Let it snow" junk. I would really just like to spend one Christmas away from here, like in Africa or something. Seriously, my time would be better spent volunteering with Doctors Without Borders, or a group of that nature, doing things that really count. Haha, I was thinking of Rachel Dratch and how I'm so Debbie Downer. It just pisses me off how people can be so absorbed in truffles and cakes and pretty napkins...

Anywho, >in a cheery voice< off to spend another joyous evening with the fam.

Proceeds to put on helmet.

A Good Day

2005-12-17T05:04:04Z

Double *semi* Victory!

Patriot Act:

Associated Press: "In a stinging defeat for President Bush, Senate Democrats blocked passage Friday of a new Patriot Act to combat terrorism at home, depicting the measure as a threat to the constitutional liberties of innocent Americans. Republicans spurned calls for a short-term measure to prevent the year-end expiration of law enforcement powers first enacted in the anxious days after Sept. 11, 2001. "The president will not sign such an extension," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., and lawmakers on each side of the issue blamed the other for congressional gridlock on the issue".

The Senate voted 52-47 to advance a House-passed bill to a final vote, eight short of the 60 needed to overcome the filibuster backed by nearly all Senate Democrats and a handful of the 45 Republicans.

"We can come together to give the government the tools it needs to fight terrorism and protect the rights and freedoms of innocent citizens," said Sen. Russell Feingold, D-Wis., arguing that provisions permitting government access to confidential personal data lacked safeguards to protect the innocent.

"During debate, several Democrats pointed to a New York Times report that Bush had secretly authorized the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on individuals inside the United States without first securing permission from the courts".

On a separate issue, the House called for the Bush administration to give Congress details of secret detention facilities overseas. The vote was 228-187.

Prisoners Debate:

NYTimes: "Congressional negotiators worked out the final details on Friday of a bill that bans torture of detainees in U.S. custody, but also allows evidence obtained by coercion to be used against prisoners at Guantanamo Bay".

"Human rights advocates said they scored a big win when President George W. Bush reluctantly accepted Sen. John McCain's amendment to require humane treatment of detainees".

"Rights groups said the amendment was a step backward and would weaken enforcement of McCain's protections at Guantanamo".

Amnesty Press Release: "President Bush’s statement clearly demonstrates that he recognizes the importance of holding people legally responsible for violating international and U.S. law. Any ban on torture can only be truly realized if there is accountability for those involved in such acts. Language or actions that would provide cover to guilty parties through legal mumbo-jumbo must be rejected".

*Despite what some people may say, this is NOT a step back. The acceptance of McCain's amendment puts us further than we were a year ago in the fight against torture in Guantanamo and abroad. The fact that it is still going to be difficult to allow any kind of legal services for detainees remains. Although, this merely signifies that the fight is not over.

Yeah, been waitin’ all day for this.

On a side note, finals are officially over and I am now free from the chains of academia. :)

La de da

2005-12-15T06:19:25Z

Since I need to be typing an essay right now, I figured I'd get myself into the grove by starting to just type - anything. >See: Finding Forrester<

I have just dubbed "Charlie" with his new title of Sir Charles. He claims to get all teary eyed*
How very sweet.

My latest addiction (since I have so many unhealthy ones):

This one goes out to a tragic figure I know >Gee, that just made me feel like Casey Kasem!<

Lyrics:
I don't know why
You want to follow me tonight
When the rest of the world
With whom I've crossed and I've quarreled
Let's me down so
For a thousand reasons that I know
To share forever the unrest
With all the demons I possess
Beneath the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry

Chandler and Van Nuys
With all the vampires and their brides
We're all bloodless and blind
And longing for a life
Beyond the silver moon

Maybe you were right
But baby I was lonely
I don't want to fight
I'm tired of being sorry
I'm standing in the street
Crying out for you
No one sees me
But the silver moon

So far away
So outer space
I've trashed myself
I've lost my way
I've got to get to you

*See below for music info.
**Hint: the video was directed by my future husband. :)

Stressin' Cause It's Finals

2005-12-12T06:11:24Z

I think I'm starting to see things that aren't really there. So tired an still studying cause I really want to make this semester count. Despite the tendency I have to throw in the towel right at the very end....Oh my God - please let this be over! I could so do with a good night's sleep. Although, I got a semi decent amount a couple o' days ago but it was interrupted by one wacky dream after another. Like the one where I had a phone interview with Cameron Crow over every single pop culture reference in Vanilla Sky. I think I appreciate that movie more each time I watch it. But anyways, it was very weird. *Yawn. I'm so worried I'm going to get a 'B' in my geo. class - cause its just such a bs course.

Hm, the end of another year...what to think of it...I was trying to come up with one word to sum up each month, but I really can't recall that far back anymore. Maybe when I'm more lucid.

I currently have a large mattress in my living room cause someone thought I needed a bigger bed. An until I can....oh! I think there's a full moon....um, until I can move it into my room its just gonna stay in here for the next month or so. I've come to the conclusion that I have some sort of syndrome that pushes me to listen to really lame pop songs. Case in point, Lindsey Lohan. Why?! It must be the subliminal messages that tell me to keep replaying these songs.

Uh huh, so I took a break from a 3 hr study session 2 hrs ago...nice.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

2005-12-06T05:40:14Z

So, I had the pleasure of removing all of the snow off my car for the first time tonight. I've never driven in snow before but, I guess I'll find out what it's like soon...

I watched the ending of "The Way We Were" yesterday. I know I proly shouldn't of cause it always brings me down. I'm like, >sobs< "Why can't they be together?!". "The Age of Innocence" is another one that gets me - oh! and "The English Patient". I saw it like, 20 times over Winter Break last year. But then again, there were other ones, when I was a kid, such as "Mary Poppins". Yikes, that movie depressed the hell outta me when I was in elementary school. I have no clue why....

Since I'm reminiscing, I realized how much Megan from the "Wake Up Wakefield" reminds me of myself when I was in middle school. Instead of Randy Goldman, it was **** for three long years....shucks, can't even say his name. Anyways! I just found out that a friend of mine from hs in newly single. Don't know how I feel about that....actually, very relieved. He was with the chick for at least 8 months. I thought he would marry her cause I know quite a few ppl that are getting married at my age...an even having kids. It's just weird that all of those changes have already started. Although, I don't have to feel bad about it until I'm 30 or so...Yay! 10 more years. Oy, might see Walk the Line on Wednesday....

jazziestchick @ 2005-12-02T13:27:00

2005-12-02T18:39:57Z

For some reason I felt compelled to write and I'm about to leave. So, hmm, there's no point. I think I have to help my mom with one of her church events tonight, which is.....well, might get a little crazy. I'll prob have to sit at a table and sell, bibles, cds and such. Which doesn't bother me much cause I've done it before an at least then I'll be away from the chaos. People are supp. to show up in huge masses and I suspect there is a little bit of disagreement among event planners.

I had to put up a sign on my wall in front of my desk that reads, "La Lucha es Larga" just to keep me going. It means the fight/struggle is long. Its intent is to keep me motivated and it serves as a reminder not to give up to so easily. I heard the phrase from a group of Argentinian factory workers from this documentary called "The Take". Its really great and I wanted to show it at Towson but.....well, I think there might be issues with it afterwards. I mentioned it to a couple of people and they didn't think it would be any trouble. Still, its my call....

Not much to say other than I'm going to see Rent with John on Sunday. Yay! The downside - he's going to "Moo".

Art Imitates Life

2005-11-30T04:06:01Z

Okay, I know I should be reading for my English class right now but.......

Jeff Koons is on the new Sundance show, "Iconoclasts" and its given me a new respect for pop art. Now, I haven't been one to negate contemporary works, because I try to be open minded about these things but in the end, art is in the eye of the beholder. I was surprised to know that Koons references very mainstream artists like Warhol, Dali, Duchamp, and Lichtenstein. The trouble with this episode is that Tom Ford, former designer for Gucci, is the one giving the interview. This man could not be more pretentious, and in the beginning it seemed natural for him to ask whether or not Koons was being sincere or if he was just full of shit when it comes to his work. But, this comes from someone who fills his house with Pollock paintings and Alexander Calder pieces. Remember, its abstract. And besides, does it really matter? I'm glad that Koons brought it back to "the dialogue" and its importance - how the audience reacts, rather than only focusing on "is it authentic?".

Anyway, I can't wait until the Christiane Amanpour episode!

Okay, back to work.

Emergency Update!

2005-11-19T04:37:15Z

Oh my goodness!!!

So, tonight was Sigma Delta Pi's big "Viva Colombia" event and it was well......a little boring to start. But towards the end I got to know Maria, a girl I went to high school with, a bit better. And boy did that pay off! >Phew!< She just happened to introduce me to one of hottest guys I've ever seen in my life. I mean whoa! I just came back from seeing him an I'm still reeling from that experience. Maria gave me a lift back to my apartment after we finished cleaning up and the event came to a close. So, she just happened to stop by his house before dropping me off...this girl has been talking about this guy (whose name I can't even say because I'll prob. scream) >In the background: "Oh my gosh, he's so cute!!!"< and she talked about him nonstop. He and his roommate are from Guatemala (the capital) and they are so sweet. Okay, this is really a sad and pointless update but all this had to be mentioned!
At one point the "hot one" asked what classes I was taking and I seriously couldn't remember. I listed like, 4 I think, before my mind went blank. An I still can't remember the other classes I'm taking! An to meet not just one, but two! really nice Guatemalan boys that don't look Mayan or that don't pretend to be thugs is very rare.
But anyway, I really have to try and sleep now, although I don't think thats possible at this point.

Wow. And I haven't said anything about the Brazilian guy that sat at our table....hello! Oh my lord!>gasp!<
and the guy that looked like Alejandro Sanz, c'mon now. Okay, okay, that's enough.

Sigh, too perfect.

Can Anyone Actually Sleep their Troubles Away???

2005-11-13T05:55:40Z

I know I haven't updated that much since.....last semester and I might have some weird ass posts but here goes another one.

I feel like such shit right now. I know I shouldn't complain but I seriously can't get anything done up here.

Wow, I've lost any kind of motivation that I might have had. An I'm really not solving any of my problems so they are just mounting at this point - one after another, after another. So, its time for me to fess up cause things are no longer as great as I made them out to be. It's funny that ppl's answer to my misery is for me to drink but it didn't turn out so wonderful the last time...so yeah, don't think I can do that. Besides, in Frostburg that alternative is always so much more amusing because, well, there's nothing else to do. Fuck!

I don't wish I was back in Frostburg but I still feel like I'm missing something.

I was thinking about getting a dog. But, that really wouldn't solve any of my problems, now then would it? I went to White Marsh today with Danielle and Nick an we stopped by a pet store an I really just wanted to buy one of those little puppies. When, in reality, I know that it would just be another thing to deal with. For one I wouldn't be home, I don't have a lot of patience, blah blah blah...

Lenora, why couldn't you be here to share your liquor!? I better never catch you drinking alone!!! You never know when I could make a surprise visit.

And by the way, while I'm at it, Nikki and I came to the conclusion that you Daniel are The Man. An you know why I say that too. An not in the "good sense"....
So, if you'd like to respond, lemme just remind you that I'm in a very delicate condition right now.

Must Stop Distracting Myself!

2005-10-31T16:03:27Z

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Gorgeous Herbalist.

Where You Lived: Saudi Arabia.

How You Died: Typhoid fever.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

Romantic, eh?

Your Hawaiian Name is:

Oliana Nana

What's your Hawaiian Name?

Very amusing. I shall hence forth only be known by this name.

You fit in with:
Buddhism

Your ideals mostly resemble those of the Buddhist faith. Spirituality is the most important thing in your life. You strive to live by all of your ideals, and live a very intellectually focused life.

20% spiritual.
20% faith-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Update?

2005-10-03T14:28:12Z

Alright, so I was contemplating a new entry and I thought, "why not?".

It actually seems kinda pointless now but I might as well since I'm trying to kill a few minutes.

Okay, so I finally got maintenance up here to take care of the garbage disposal in my kitchen sink. Seriously, its been a week.

Today marks a month and a couple o days since I've been up here in Towson an I gotta say it's not too shabby. Naturally, there are ups and downs but I think overall I'm doing well. I'm actually prioritizing and I'm getting decent grades. Who knew I had it in me. I'm getting an 'A' in 5 outta my 6 classes and I've survived the first wave of exams. Phew!

I attended my first leadership workshop last week and I have about 6 more this semester. There are some really funny characters up here esp. this red head who sometimes acts like he could be my American grandfather. Anywho, I'm contemplating LeaderShape which is an intensive 6 day leadership retreat that takes place in January. I've heard its a wonderful experience and very enlightening but, as always, we shall see.

So excited about Amnesty! Although, the main problem at this point is putting together cabinet members. But isn't that always the case? This is really tough. And at present time the only thing really preventing me from presenting the group to the SGA. I figured the hardest thing would be getting the Attorney General's attention or a decent advisor, but alas, I was wrong.

The Latin American Student Organization is showing an off-Broadway play called 'Soul Latina' which is actually a little like the Vagina Monologues. Very amped about this. Admission is free which could insure a good crowd and they're accepting donations for Hurricane Katrina victims.

I have yet to contact the Women's Center and get involved with them, but I figure with my time, it would probably be most beneficial if I wait to get AI off the ground and then talk to them about community service at a local women's shelter.

Yay! My garbage disposal is fixed! Oh joy! Maintenance just left. Well, I guess it's back to daily life.

I Got Soul But I'm Not A Soldier

2005-08-13T14:41:26Z

It's so early.....

Alright, so my brother calls me at 7:30 this morning to ask if I could come over to his house while he has someone work on his kitchen. He says he'll be out for a couple of hours so, can I do it? "Do I have a choice?", I asked. "Frankly no", he said. Well, shucks. It was my only excuse to take the car out (even if it is for four blocks). And naturally the ingrate looks at me when I come in and just stares at me beginning to say, "You look like..." "um, yeah", I said. "Oh, nothing" he replies. Uh huh. So I was out semi late last night not doing anything that I shouldn't be doing BUT since I haven't had much sleep and I look like hell he thinks I was out on a coke binge or something. I mean, is he serious? I only do that on the first of every month. GOSH.

Well, anyway, I've been here an hour and then the guy says he has to go out and run an errand but will be back soon. I figure, though, that it turned out decent for me since I finally get to check my mail.

Soooo tired.....

Okay, so CNN has been interesting lately. Let me start with Anderson Cooper. So, you know that last week or whatever he was reporting from Niger and shinning some light on the devastating famine that was taking place. Now, I don't really watch his show but I was really impressed that he stuck with this topic for so long. Really, he seemed genuinely touched at times. It was nice to see him talk about anything other than the usual sensational stories that all the news stations tend to cover. But, that all changed as soon as he came back to the states and the whole fugitive and boat murder mystery stories broke out. When was it? Two or three days ago, he had this lady come on to talk about dreams and how you can interpret them. Alright. And the lady seemed like such a quack. She turned all Anna Nicole Smith on him and was making this crazy face. She even began to kinda flirt with him a little which was of course met with no response. Hahaha, it was so amusing.

And then, the night before last when the British Airline workers went on strike, CNN had this British corespondent that went absolutely nuts on Lou Dobbs or something. It was hysterical! I forgot his name...but oh you should have seen him! It was something out of Monty Python of Benny Hill! He totally cracked up! He was yelling and making all these motions as he described the situation and completely lost the notion of professionalism (unless he's a comedian). Too funny.

As a side note, I saw Napoleon Dynamite 2 weeks ago and I still don't understand the craze over it. Although, I hafta say that the dancing at the end was wicked awesome (pronounced "awthumb").

I was gonna write about my new apartment but I thought that mentioning how I love Carlos Mencia would be more fun. The Mind of Mencia is like Chappelle's Show for Hispanic people. Despite the fact that it can be extremely offensive and a little pointless it still manages to be slightly witty.

Um, let's see...oh! I went to see The Lion King at the end of last month and it was sensational! I went to the show in Baltimore and it was performed in the Hippodrome Theatre. That was the same theatre where, believe it or not, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers premiered one of their movies back in the late '30's. It was so exciting. And, the woman that's behind most of the puppeteer work is actually Julie Taymor (who directed Frida!). That marked my third Broadway show and I felt like I was starting to catch up on the times (if not for a brief moment).

I got soul but I'm not a soldier....

I had that stuck in my head all day long yesterday and it continues....

In a State of Panic

2005-07-20T03:25:11Z

I have my Towson orientation tomorrow and I'm terrified. Tomorrow will decide whether or not I will finally be able to go to TU or have to go back to Frostburg. They are currently only accepting 37 of my 62 credits and I'm scared it won't work out. Either way I'm fucked. The thought of going back to Frostburg makes me uneasy and trying to adapt to Towson is going to be hard. I'm going to my orientation with my mom and that is just one more thing I don't look forward to because if I stay in Towson I'll have to close on my apartment and if I go back to Frostburg she'll say, "I told you you needed to stay there." The only thing that could be worse is the new Supreme Court nominee.

Tomorrow is a day of tough decisions and I just have to deal with it. We're leaving at 6AM and I have to wake up in about 5 hours - although I wonder how much I will actually be able to sleep. I've never had a panic attack but I may very well be experiencing the symptoms of one. I guess after this lazy summer I'd forgotten about the hard times that lay ahead. And to top it all off M. called last night to say something that I wished he'd never expressed.

I'm going to go throw up now.

I'm No Longer An Adolescent

2005-07-16T04:35:32Z

So, I had a pretty good birthday yesterday.

This is now formerly a recap of the events that happened only a few hours ago.

First of all, my mom had been away in California for the past two weeks and wasn't scheduled to return until Sunday night BUT through some fortunate event she was able to get an earlier flight and came home early Friday morning to surprise me. Whoa, was I surprised! Thank goodness I lock my door when my mom isn't here because, as is our tradition, everyone came over EARLY in the morning to wish me a happy birthday. And by early I mean 7:30 - I didn't even know people were awake at that hour. Do you know that by then people are preparing to go to work!? Anyhow, we all had breakfast and my brother took the day off just so that he could bang on my door to wake me up and remind me that I was turning 20. 20!!! So this is what it feels like to be old...

Josephine came over later in the day so that we could watch Finding Neverland and have dinner with me and my family (in other words everyone we know). And since I was with her I also got to see a few peoples from WJ! Ppl that I haven't seen or heard of in four years! This includes Tim (who's married, is expecting a baby AND lives 2 seconds from my house!? WTF? - small world, eh?) and Glen (who looks exactly the same). I also talked to Katie, who is still as tall as always but lost a LOT of weight. What is it with people looking better, losing weight, and starting families???!!! I feel so left behind. I have now decided (after having seen Pati and Katie in fabulous form) that I need to lose some serious weight. Freshman 15? Try 20 something. Ugh, this is really very annoying. It always depresses me to see people from WJ. I don't know why but it does. And Danny actually wrote to me today (after a long ass while) and left a couple messages - so that lifted my spirits. But all in all, with the addition of the two WJ kids I saw in Bethesda, I accept that I can't escape my past. Not that there's anything wrong with that or that I have any deep dark secrets, but it's just that all the ghosts are coming out and I need to deal.

There's just something about Walter Johnson kids...I think it has to do with the fact that I actually grew up with most of them and that Quince Orchard was just a temporary stop for me.

But, in retrospect, it was a wonderful day and I was happy to hear from so many old friends - and Nikki about three times today :)

Until another tragedy strikes...

Jon Stewart is My Hero!

2005-07-14T23:59:54Z

For anyone who has seen The Daily Show these past couple of days, you know what I'm talking about. Last night he had Bernard Goldberg on as a guest with his latest book "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America". Yikes, if you thought his appearance of Crossfire was funny - wait till you see this. I mean this was absolute TV gold! At first I thought Stewart was being a little too brutal when he was grilling his guest but then Goldberg goes on to say that his critics were in essence being too tough on him - i.e. Al Franken flushing the book down the toilet - when the full title reads, "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America (Al Franken is #37")! This guy has Barbara Streisand, Michael Jackson, Eminem, and Al Sharpton on the cover! I completely agree that they are not the issue in this country. Whatever happened to the corrupt government currently leading America? Is there absolutely no need to mention that? How long was the world obsessed with Janet Jackson at the Superbowl when the Bush Administration was committing war crimes and busy trying to cover it up? C'mon people!!!

Stewart also gave a nice summary of the "ever so complicated" CIA Leak. Speaking of which, my countdown reads that today is:

Day 9 for Judith Miller in Jail.

I hope she stays strong because she did the right thing in not revealing her private sources. Here is an article that the New York Times wrote in her support:

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/07/07/opinion/07thu1.html?ex=1278388800&en=36f31f778246f85d&ei=5090&partner=rssuserland&emc=rss

Free Judy!